How to process emotions 101

Reclaiming power over our emotions instead of being controlled by them

There’s an epidemic of epic proportions plaguing people all over the world: apathy.

From what I’ve observed over the years, it seems like people have numbed themselves to their emotions so much that they’re past the point of not caring—they’ve trained themselves not to feel anything at all.

Nowadays, there are so many wonderful ways to distract ourselves from our emotions: movies, TV shows, social media, video games, even music.

Often when I have a scary thought about the future, anticipate having a hard conversation with someone, need to do something that I don’t want to do, etc., I find myself inexplicably buried in my phone. Only after a couple hours of mindlessly scrolling do I come to myself and realize what I’ve done. And then I feel like trash.

This kind of buffering is human. No one wants to feel uncomfortable emotions; it’s much easier to buffer by distracting ourselves. That way we don’t have to face the things that we’re feeling.

Super convenient, right?

Wrong.

Consistently ignoring our emotions like this will only make things worse for us in the long run—physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually.

Why is ignoring our emotions bad?

Ignoring our emotions can lead to unintended consequences.

For example, not addressing our stress can cause tension in the shoulders and neck, leading to tension headaches, suppressing our sadness can lead to constantly feeling an oppressive weight on our chest and developing depression, muscling through our grief can make it seem hard to breathe, etc.

I’ve found that for me, continuously shoving down my emotions can only last for so long. Eventually, I reach a sort of saturation point, and then I walk around miserable and irritable until I inevitably explode and cry until I’ve worked all of my suppressed emotions out of my system. But after crying and allowing my body to process the emotions that I’ve been ignoring for so long, I feel so much lighter and more capable of facing the stresses of life.

It’s high time that we, as a society, stop suppressing all of our emotions until they force their way out and learn how to process them in a healthy way instead.

Processing emotions

During my training to become a foot zoning practitioner, an amazing woman named Cheree Murdock came and taught us about emotions and how to process them. I want to share the method she taught us.

1.   Give the emotion a name

Naming your emotions is 90% of the work of releasing them.

The language that you use here is actually very important. Instead of taking on the emotion as part of our identity using “I am …” language, we want to acknowledge the emotion without giving it power over us using “I feel …” language.

For example, take a look at the difference between these two sentences:

I am angry.

I feel angry.

In one sentence, we are saying that “angry” is all we are. The other acknowledges that we are feeling angry at this moment, but it is not our entire being.

So, step one: name the emotion using “I feel …” statements.

2.   Validate the emotion

The most important thing to remind ourselves of at this point is that nothing has gone wrong. We are human, and we’ve been given the gift to feel all sorts of different emotions.

When we validate our emotions rather than shaming ourselves for feeling a certain way, we give ourselves power over our emotions instead of allowing them to control us.

Validating emotions can look like this:

I am feeling (guilty, sad, frustrated, etc.) because (my husband caught me eating ice cream we agreed to share, my son doesn’t hug me anymore, the robot on the phone won’t let me talk to a real person, etc.).

It makes sense that I’m feeling this way.

Or any other sentence that allows us to acknowledge what we’re feeling without assigning blame, feeling shame or guilt, or passing judgment.

Some emotions also show up for seemingly no reason. But even if we can’t pinpoint the exact reason why we are feeling a certain way, it doesn’t make the feeling any less real or important.

If we can’t find a specific reason for why a certain emotion is coming up for us, we can:

• Journal to try and figure it out. (I am feeling anxious because …)

• Accept that there may be multiple reasons we’re feeling a certain way.

• Give ourselves permission to not know the exact reason and keep moving forward.

3.   Allow the emotion to stay for as long as it needs to

It can take time to process big emotions, so allowing ourselves to sit with our emotions for as long as we need is an essential step in processing them.

This does not mean that we are sitting there ruminating or beating ourselves up. It simply means that we are feeling the emotion fully (WITHOUT JUDGMENT) and letting it leave when it’s ready.

4.   Identify where the emotion is held in your body

Something that can be helpful while we are sitting with our emotions is to identify where it is in our body.

For example, when I feel like I’m not doing enough with my life, my throat feels tight. When I’m stressed, I feel tension in my neck and in my jaw.

Once we’re aware of where an emotion is showing up in our bodies, we can focus more fully on the sensation and allow it to remain for as long as it needs to until it is fully processed.

The most important thing in this process is to hold a space for ourselves that is full of love and compassion, even when you catch yourself avoiding your emotions. We are all works in progress. But as we keep doing our best, soon we’ll be able to navigate this world, and our emotions, with more confidence.